Reflections on Yom Kippur

Last Thursday marked another Yom Kippur. As I look back to very first post on this blog I am absolutely astounded by God's amazing works and how He has shown me just a little of what that "more" is.
I think back to Yom Kippur 2005, the infamous "Avocado Incident." It was a year of transitions for me; my first year in my own home, my first year working as a nurse... I was fasting for Yom Kippur, or at least trying to, when I started praying. I think I must have been a little frustrated and perhaps angry at God. As I was praying I saw an avocado on my kitchen counter. "God, if you really are God and you really do love me, how much would matter if I ate that avocado. I know we are free from the law... But what attitude am I about to do this in?"
Yom Kippur 2006 marked a parting of ways with a close friend. She chose to deny her Saviour while I prayed desperately for the strength to hold on to Him. Though we are still friends, it's never been the same.
It wasn't long after Yom Kippur 2007 that I learned about reconciliation; God's desire for us to be reconciled to Him, and what it means to be "given the ministry of reconciliation.
Now it is Yom Kippur once again and I have had the wonderful privilege of sharing it with the the Body. Last Sunday I had the opportunity to participate in the ancient tradition of Taschlich with some friends from dare I say it... CHURCH! We all went down to Greenlake for a little scripture reading and some therapeutic rock throwing as an illustration of Micah 7:19 which says: " You will again have compassion on us;you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."
Thursday marked the closing of Yom Kippur. After clinical was over three of my students and I went on a bit of a "field trip" to attend services at Beit Tikvah. How wonderful it is to be reconciled to the Body of Believers and share these meaningful times with them! God is faithful to His promises, Amen.

Sitting By the Pool

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend Special Meetings (aka church retreat) on Whidbey Island. The setting was amazing the and we couldn't have asked for better weather. I will admit however, that I was a little apprehensive about attending something called "Special Meetings." ;)
The first night I managed to skip out on singing Kubaya by the campfire under the guise of "helping" Angela and Justin get people checked in. On Saturday I was on both the breakfast and the dinner crew so that helped me conveniently skip out on a few other gatherings.
On our way out to the Island Angela had asked me what I hoped to get out of the weekend. I believe my answer went something along the lines of "I don't know." The only thing I knew was that God told me I had go. One night before we went to bed I think I even said that I didn't really expect anything incredibly "spiritual" to happen to me that weekend. "Special Meetings just have so many people and so much that is distracting that I just don't expect an 'epiphany'. Maybe I'm just here to support others and that's just fine."
Sunday morning rolled around and once again it was time for church. When the speaker began to talk about the crippled man sitting by the Pool of Bethesda I was stunned. Angela looked straight at me at the point and I knew she was thinking exactly what I was thinking. Just read a few entries back to the "Pink Kool Aid" entry! He went on to talk about waiting upon the Lord and reading ones self for healing the wholeness that comes from knowing Jesus and seeking Him.
Here I was sitting by pool once again getting a Son burn! It felt pretty good actually.
Malachi 4:2
But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.

Joy is the Flag

A couple of weeks ago during Sunday School worship time we found ourselves singing "Joy is the Flag." I haven't sung that song is eons and for some reason it really stuck around in my thoughts.

"Joy is the flag that is flown from the castle of my heart for the King is in residence there.
Let it fly in the sky let the whole world know that the King is in residence there."

I must say that maintaining joy is sometimes a battle. Just a few days ago I was at friend's house. Semi jokingly I asked her if she had experienced any "Holy Spirit Induced Euphoria" lately. She whipped out her guitar and started singing worship songs. She took a short interlude to go downstairs to check on the laundry so I took that brief moment of solitude to belt out "Joy is the Flag." Then something happened, something a little crazy, a little "endorphinating;" joy became the flag because the King is residence.
The King James Version of Psalm 22:3 says, "But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel." Now there has been some argument about the interpretation of that verse but whether or not God inhabits our praises, I know His Holy Spirit inhabits the hearts of those who follow Him and praising Him is what we where meant to do from now to eternity. While I agree the Christian walk isn't about a feeling, I do believe that we are called to reflect the joy of the Lord which is our strength. A heart that is properly focused on God can't help but fly the flag of joy.
Also, in my medical opinion I do think that worshipping the Lord really does release endorphins. Maybe I'll do my dissertation based off of that hypothesis!

Why I do what I do...

I was talking with some of my teacher friends the other day about the upcoming school year. Somehow the issue of salary came up (I think I was having to explain why I am still going to work so much at the hospital during the school year). It's true, teachers aren't paid nearly enough and it doesn't get better the higher the education you happen to teach! I really had to sit and think for a moment why I'm about to sign this contract or why anybody does for that matter. It's obviously not for the money. Maybe that that's what makes teachers so incredible, they do what they do because they love it (or at least some of the time) and/or God told them to do it.
Somebody once told me that teachers are really some of the only people who get the opportunity to make an impact everyone in the entire the world. I suppose indirectly there is some truth to that.
This morning I had a breakfast with one of my former students. We talked about her first job, her first death, her future hopes of grad. school and becoming an educator... Now I remember, this is why I worked so hard to become a real teacher. So, thank you to all of my teacher friends who prayed for me and encouraged me throughout grad school. I'm excited to join the ranks!
You gotta love 'em!

Pink Kool Aid (Part 2)

No, I didn't want to run away. I wanted to stay, to sit a corner and to work/pray through anything and everything that came up. I wanted to let myself be angry at the "joy robbers" or to a least feel something and do so in a safe place. Why didn't that happen then? Why couldn't I have just stayed, prayed and sought the Lord?
Granted I had a prior commitment I needed to honor, but did I miss the point of why God had brought me there by keeping it? I don't get it, I thought I was ready for something and now I find myself waiting again. I know this can't just be a mean trick but sometimes it feels like it.
In some ways I feel like the lame man who waits each day by the Pool of Bethesda but never makes it to the water in time be healed. The man waited 38 years for what seems in some ways to be a rather anticlimactic moment. Jesus walks up to him and says "Take up thy bed and walk." So what does he do but get up and proceed to walk off carrying his mat. I've got to be missing something here...
Is the Pink Kool Aid perhaps fear and doubt? Could I myself be accused to drinking the Pink Kool Aid?

Pink Kool Aid

It was Saturday night and there was no sleep to be had. My body was calm but my mind was restless. Could God really be telling me to drive to Portland?!? Indeed He was... When I could stand it no longer, I got up, got dressed (in a green skirt no less) and left the house at 0530.
After so some amount of dawdling, I arrived at the dreaded camp meeting at 0915. Afraid to just randomly saunter right onto the campus, I called Angela and asked her to walk outside. I'll bet she didn't expect to see me standing there! As we walked into the office I was immediately "greeted" by Angela's mom who was practically in tears. I must admit that I was too but for vastly different reasons. Apparently word travels fast with the AF crowd because it wasn't long before I was seeing other folks I knew coming out of the woodwork. It would seem that there is quite the text messaging chain...
Later on that morning as Angela and I walked about the campground on "official business" I couldn't help but think that the place reminded me of some type of internment camp. The 1 room cabins which had no windows and were about 2 feet from eachother, the fenced compound, the codes on the gates... All these things add to the story but they weren't the real reason for the fear and trembling.
Poor Lindsey was the one who had to sit next to me during church service. As long as she wasn't looking at me, I was "fine." Actually, the whole experience was more difficult than anticipated but oddly enough I didn't want to run away...

Earning a Living

I'm sitting here at work lulled into a sort of semi-conscious state by the rhythmic sound of my patients ventilator feeling slightly burned out streaming Spanish worship music on youtube to combat the post Mexicali blues. I can't help but think about how much it stinks sometimes trying to "earn a living." It's funny what we put ourselves through all in the name of earning a living, the time we lose, the gray hairs we get, the elevated blood pressures, the ulcers, and the list goes on... Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have jobs and pay our bills but to think that we can somehow "earn a living?" No, I'm not really talking about the whole salvation by works thing; I'm talking about the innate tendency to we have to feel like we need to constantly be doing things to legitimize our very existence.
I often think about this in regards to my patients. I wonder how they must feel about thier own lives when thier minds and bodies couldn't possibly be capable of "earning a living." The truth is that we can't earn the right to live or the right to exist and we cerntainly can't earn LIFE. All these things are a gift; if we could only live them as such.
While "youtubing" some Spanish worship music I came across this song "Razones Pa'Vivir" (Reasons to Live) which I have heard many times before but never truly listened hard enough to figure out the words. Translated it says something like this (I think):

You have given me so much
I cannot express my gratitude
I cannot tell of all you have done for me
You give me love, you give me peace
You took from your plentitude
In order to fill me with your light
My heart is blessed to live this way
Your blessing has touched my existance

I have reasons to live
I have songs to write
I have a voice and I have a heart
I have a Way to follow
I have love to share
I have a voice and a heart

You have inundated me with your love
With understanding and compassion
With your care and with your warmth
Every morning I can see
When I breathe I can see the sun
You are always faithful
My heart is blessed to live this way
Your blessing has touched my existance