Wow...

Wow, what else can I say? I had my meeting with the Provost, perhaps the worst meeting of my life. He began the meeting by saying I didn't fit in. Then he proceeded to cite my personal testimony using it as "evidence" that I flaunt a persona of being an outsider. Then he continued by saying I question things (he specifically said that "challenge" would be too strong of a word). When I told him I though questioning and examining all aspects of something was a good thing, especially in education and asked if I was wrong; he replied, "It's just what you are." He could not deny that I had the right credentials, my students were meeting the objectives and I always got positive evaluations from the students. So the problem? I guess I just don't fit in, but the more I learn, the sad the situation becomes and the more I am glad I don't "fit in."
I will admit that this whole thing caught me off guard and I found it extremely upsetting. Perhaps what bothered the me the most was the misuse of my personal testimony. I shared that testimony of what God had done in my life with my colleagues at a faculty retreat in August. The testimony was not at all about "being and outsider," in fact it was about reconciliation. The testimony was about being reconciled to God, being reconciled to the Body of Christ and being given the ministry of reconciliation.
At the end of the meeting, he simply said "I don't know. If I was you and my wife were me, she would say to ask the other faculty in your department what they would advise you to do in seeking another job." I have a hard time thinking that would be what his wife would say, I'm thinking that sounds a little too "male." After he said that, however, I took a closer look at what my coworkers had that I didn't. What I found... A fake degree from a diploma mill? Yes, indeed it was, right there on the school's website for anyone to see. It's not listed up there anymore, but that doesn't fix the fact that they have been hiring people who lie about their credentials and people who aren't qualified for their jobs. My biggest concern is that this is deceptive to the students and if the program loses accreditation, what they all going to do? As angry as I want to be and much as my human nature want's to retaliate, I think I'm just sad. I love the program, I love the idea, I love the students... Right now all are in peril and I can't do anything about it but pray and God for stregnth to finish out the year.

Wear Nice Shoes...

Last week I got a rather disturbing email from the Provost of the university. It said something like this... "Contracts for next year will be send out tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know that you don't have one so that you won't be caught by surprise. I don't know what your conversations have been with the dean, but because he is out of town I just wanted to let you know."
It's a little late in the game not be caught by surprise... Usually if something isn't going well, you have some idea ahead of time. I can't help but be frustrated and a little angry by the lack of communiation. I sent the dean an email, but haven't gotten a response (which, in contrast, doesn't surprise me).
So... Hold that thought and let me move to another subject.
A few weeks ago an email went out at UW about a new clinical nurse educator position for the ICU. I didn't consider it seriously until somebody actually came up and asked if I would apply. So, with mixed feelings, I applied. I talked with the manager about it to get the details and then went home and prayed about it. I asked God to make it clear what I should do.
God's answer was, "Wear nice shoes."
I had applied a for a different position last year just to keep options open, but I wan't too sure about it so I went to the interview and did my best but didn't really go for the gusto. I was wearing mediocre shoes to that interview... (yes, it's a mediphore and perhaps something that you "just had to be there for." )
My interview for this CNE position was on Friday, I wore nice shoes... The manage said she would make a decision this week.
I have a meeting with the Provost in just a few minutes, I'm wearing the same "nice shoes." The few days are going to be big and I hope I get some clear direction. We shall see...

I Can't Even Imagine

I can't even imagine what a mother must feel like when her child turns up missing. I had been a little concerned about one my students recently. I had noticed a change since she had come back from Christmas break. She turned in her assignments late and just last week she had missed a clinical day. She had always been very respectful and responsible.
This Thursday as I drove my clinical sight, I though about the conversation I would have with her. I would talk to her about what was going on (as much as she would talk) and then I would tell her about how important it is to maintain balance. I would work with her to find ways to help her keep up. when I arrived the hospital she wasn't there. She usually carpooled with another student, but her carpool said she did come to the meeting place and she hadn't returned any of her calls.
I called her and left a message. I called her roommate but got nothing. I sent another student to her apartment on campus, nothing... I called the office to see if she had contacted them, still nothing.
I was at the hospital with 7 other students, but all I could think about was her. When I had seen her the day before she said something about being sorry her paperwork wasn't ready. I remember something different about her face and as she turned and went down the stairs, I resisted the urge to follow her and ask if she was ok.
A few hours into the shift, I finally got a call from the school vice president's office. They couldn't tell me much accept she was "having a medical emergency" but was now "safe and receiving care." I'm don't want to start making assumptions but I have strong feelings that I'm fairly certain of.
Such a sweet a girl, she is so intuitive and caring. I hate the helpless feeling of seeing her hurting but being unable to help her; of having seven more who are also concerned and asking questions but I can't say anything to them. If it feels like this to be a teacher, I can't even imagine what it feels like to be a mother.