No, I didn't want to run away. I wanted to stay, to sit a corner and to work/pray through anything and everything that came up. I wanted to let myself be angry at the "joy robbers" or to a least feel something and do so in a safe place. Why didn't that happen then? Why couldn't I have just stayed, prayed and sought the Lord?
Granted I had a prior commitment I needed to honor, but did I miss the point of why God had brought me there by keeping it? I don't get it, I thought I was ready for something and now I find myself waiting again. I know this can't just be a mean trick but sometimes it feels like it.
In some ways I feel like the lame man who waits each day by the Pool of Bethesda but never makes it to the water in time be healed. The man waited 38 years for what seems in some ways to be a rather anticlimactic moment. Jesus walks up to him and says "Take up thy bed and walk." So what does he do but get up and proceed to walk off carrying his mat. I've got to be missing something here...
Is the Pink Kool Aid perhaps fear and doubt? Could I myself be accused to drinking the Pink Kool Aid?
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